Sabs' Crap-Comedy

You Are a Registered Imbecile

My brother and I were having a heated debate about certain videos that appear on my Facebook timeline and one of them caught our attention:

So, I said to him, “Bro, why would you use an actual drug? Like, why not use a skittle instead of ruining a perfectly good drink? Now the people next to him are all freaked out and asking themselves why he happens to be carrying around obscene quantities of roofies just to waste them. A mint would’ve probably been cheaper.”

My awesome, little bro was like, “No. I fucking hate these awareness videos, because they’re just stupid and are the worst way to actually spread awareness.”

Of course, I answered in a let-me-explain-to-you-the-facts-of-life tone of voice, “Look, buddy, these videos are great for people with no awareness and low IQs, so that they understand what they need to be careful of, which is why they’re on Facebook in the first place.”

So, that got us asking ourselves what has been the lowest recorded IQ in history. And, well, we’re not geniuses or anything, but we’re not imbeciles either, though we might actually be morons (you’ll get this in a bit). On our Google Endeavors (my family uses Google to answer every question that can possible pop into our heads), we found this gem:

“Mental deficiency used to be divided into the following sub-classifications, but these labels began to be abused by the public and are now largely obsolete: Borderline Deficiency (IQ 70-80), Moron (IQ 50-69), Imbecile (IQ 20-49) and Idiot (below 20). Mental deficiency is now generally called mental retardation.”

Before everyone gets super offended, we were not making fun of people with disabilities; we were just mystified by the fact that you can’t just call anyone a moron or an idiot. I mean, you have to substantiate your claim by having the name-calling victim take an IQ test.

By the way, I didn’t really find out what the lowest recorded IQ is, except that “It would be extremely unethical for a person’s IQ score to be revealed in a public forum like this. IQ scores are considered to be confidential” (on http://www.answers.com). I hate these types of answers for two main reasons:

  1. It reminds me of the annoying girls in my class that would preach religion to me by saying that legalizing marijuana is immoral, that having sex before you’re married will damn you in hell for all of eternity, and that rock n’ roll is satan’s jam. I never understood their reasons for saying this and why they would say this to me. I mean, I’m the antithesis of somebody cool enough to do those things. I’m that pretentious kid that silently reads philosophy at the back of the classroom and lacks a good set of social skills. I’m a total dork. I’m even dorky enough to admit it on my blog. No, I’m so dorky that I actually have a blog.
  2. You can’t say something is unethical without proving why it’s unethical first. In order to do that, you would have to start off by studying, almost scientifically, what is, indeed, ethical. Otherwise, you’d just be doing something unethical…

If you didn’t get the last part and are now arguing that I just “totally contradicted myself,” you are the type of person the Facebook Awareness Videos are directed to.

Here’s a little awareness of my own: The next time you call someone a Moron, an Imbecile, or an Idiot, make sure you’ve taken them to get an IQ test first. Or else you’d just be jumping to unfair conclusions.

DON’T JUMP TO UNFAIR CONCLUSIONS! HAVE YOUR SIMPLETONS TESTED FIRST!

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